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'Thinking Outside the Box'- The Bob Animations

I give you the first of 'The Bob Animations.' I hope you enjoy this little animation. The next one is already in production!!!

Friday, 8 February 2013

Project3: Storytelling and Commission- (Online Greenlight Review)

Apologies for the lateness of this OGR. Bad internet connection meant Creative partnership archives and OGR's took forever to try and load up.

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  1. OGR 08/02/2013

    Hey Emily,

    As I've suggested previously, I think your story is working well, and your storyboard is distinguished by some lovely, dynamic drawings - the reaction shot of the manager, and the 'clown thrown out on the street' panels in particular! I've got a couple of suggestions/observations to make in regard to further tweaks upon which you can reflect;

    1) I'm wondering if your establishing shot of the restaurant might include a 'waiter wanted - apply within' sign on the window - just a quick way of setting up the idea for the audience that when we first see the clown he's there for an interview?

    2) I'm not sure about the aftermath of the broken plates panel; obviously you're using to suggest the previous waiter was rubbish, and to accelerate the manager's decision to give the clown the job, but it's bit confusing to me that the clown can see the aftermath of the broken plates from where he's sitting in the office. It feels to me as if the clown needs to hear the plates being broken, hear the manager shouting, and then the manager comes in and throws the apron at him. This might be what you're intention is anyway, but this 'aftermath' panel doesn't quite sit right within the sequence; certainly, you can use the crash of plates to end the flashback, bringing him back to the present.

    3)About the poster of the food critic on the wall; it's not completely clear in your storyboard, but I'm assuming this poster is in the manager's office sort of shrine-like? This just feels like it's presence needs to be explained a bit more, but again, these boards are for you, so the detail isn't necessary - but will become so when you produce your presentation storyboards.

    4) The reveal of the critic; you know, I think this would be much stronger if the moment the manager sees the clown's customer is the critic is the first time the audience sees it's the critic. In other words, you find visual strategies for keeping her identity masked (to the audience) until that great moment when the manager sees that the clown has been serving her - and then we ALL share his horror! If you show her right away (and right after we've seen her image in the poster) it does sort of feel a bit too convenient. Creating a gap between the poster of the critic and the reveal of the critic will enrich your structure. You could simply identify ways to structure the clown's antics so the identity of the woman is a) not what we're looking at, or b) what we're thinking about.

    5) oh yeah - just occurred to me; when you do the flashback scene, this scene should also show us some of the other entertainers looking as miserable, just so that in the final scenes when we are shown that they've also been given a job in the restaurant, the audience has encountered them previously and makes the connection effortlessly.

  2. 6) You need a pithier title, Emily - something punnier or funnier or clever - and something that would look good on a cinema poster!

    7) Music & SFX; it does seem as if you've got some nice opportunities to use circusy music as an accompaniment to the clown's serving antics - or wild west themed riffs? SFX often get last-minuted on this project, because students underestimate their importance, but I'd like to see you really thinking about your sound design - and getting some related posts up on your blog asap - especially as music can 'tell' you something you didn't know about the timing of a scene or of a cut. I suggest you get to the animatic stage as quickly as possible now, so you can really begin to see how your story is coming together.

    1. Hey Phil, thanks for all the feedback. :D
      I feel I should explain the crashing plates at the beginning, I was trying to indicate the clown is sat outside the office, waiting for his interview, and outside is the kitchens, which is why the clown see's the aftermath. (Oh and the smash of those plates is what wakes the clown from the flashback.) Now you mention it, it makes more sense to have the clown inside the office and the manager outside barking orders at his kitchen staff. That way the whole 'rubbish waiter' can be communicated through sound alone. The smash, the shouting and then the door bursts open and the manager hands our hero the apron. Well maybe, that's one way to alter the rather ropey beginning. :)

      The poster of the critic was an idea I borrowed from 'Ratatouille'(2007). In the film the chefs have a picture of a food inspector plastered to the wall next to the door, at which point in the film the very same man walks in.
      That's the kind of thing I was going for with the critic. It might be better if in the managers office the poster is on the door and when the camera zoom in and through it and into the kitchen, it focuses on the identical poster allowing time to introduce her face.

      I wondered if I might question you about my Lasso? You've suggested spaghetti once or twice but I'm stuck as to what extent I can stretch believability... what I mean is, in a logical sense it bugs me that I know spaghetti is not strong enough to latch onto a stand with a whole cheesecake on top and yank it across a restaurant. The same story goes for the bunting lasso I thought about; its too light and I'm sure it won't fly very far when thrown. I'm wondering if that might also bother an audience?

      Thank you for the helpful hints on secreting the critics presence, and also including the other entertainers in the flashback. It'll all make much more sense with those adaptions. I'll try and re-do a rough storyboard for those features and I'll give a bash at reworking the title.

      Right... full speed ahead then! :D Thanks again!